
通過(guò)這節(jié)課的學(xué)習(xí),我能夠:1.通過(guò)分解動(dòng)作和添加符合情境的細(xì)節(jié),描述出形象、具體的畫面;2.選取最合適、最準(zhǔn)確的詞,從而達(dá)到細(xì)膩描寫的效果。
Learning bjectives
Receiving the gift, she smiled happily, her eyes shining like diamnds, which made the air warmer and the rm brighter. She slung her arms arund her daughter, pulled her clse and kissed her n bth cheeks.
When she received the gift frm her daughter, she was very excited and she smiled.
敘述(narratin):t ____the general infrmatin
描寫(descriptin): t _____ vivid pictures by describing the ______ and_______ f the main characters.
As the bell rang, Aiden and I rushed ut f ur DIY classrm, heading t the stre where we had ur mther's gift picked. “That’s perfect!" said I, hlding the gift carefully, “Mm’s gnna lve it, right?" “Abslutely!" Aiden giggled. With nly a few blcks away frm hme, I culdn’t help speeding up my pace, wndering hw mm wuld react t ur gift. Suddenly, a by ran arund the crner and crashed int me befre I culd jump ut f the way.①____________. The by gt up, mumbled srry, and fled the crner as quickly as pssible. “Are yu OK, Emily?” Aiden asked. “I think s.” I slwly std up. “Oh n! Lk at Mm's present!” Aiden's face was red. I picked up the crushed bx and pened it. The drinking glasses inside were brken. I clsed the bx and left it in a rubbish bin, and then started hurrying tward hme. Aiden had t run at full speed t keep up with me. When we gt t the apartment, we plpped dwn n chairs. ②The air frze, and the rm seemed darker than it was suppsed t be at dusk .“It isn't fair! Why did that happen?” Aiden cried. ③His lwer lip trembled, “Mm wuld have lved thse glasses.”
We saved ur mney fr weeks t buy glasses with pink flwers n them fr Mther's Day. We have ther glasses, but nt a full set that matches. Nw it's gne. Disappintment verwhelmed me. I wished I culd thrw smething against the wall and scream, but I knew I culdn't. I'm the lder ne. I had t hld it tgether. “I wanted t make her happy," said Aiden. I thught abut hw Mm had been befre the divrce. ④She used t jke arund and laugh a lt. Nw she had a deep wrry line between her eyes and hardly ever smiled. “We'll think f smething else t give her fr Mther's Day, " I said, trying t cheer up Aiden. “Like what? " he asked. “We dn't have any mney left. " I knew I had t think f smething fast. Paragraph 1: Suddenly, an idea was starting t frm in my head. ___________. Paragraph 2: The next mrning, Aiden and I, tired but excited, pulled Mm frm her bedrm int the kitchen. _____________________________________.
Reviewing the stry
drinking glasses
“I”+ Aiden
a by crashed int me ---brken
1. face was red;plpped dwn, cried--- angry, sad, depressed2. think f sth. else, cheer up --- nt lse heart
anther gift ?
A gift fr Mm frm children
felt sad after the divrce
請(qǐng)根據(jù)所給句子內(nèi)容,結(jié)合原文,續(xù)寫后面句子① Suddenly, a by ran arund the crner and crashed int me befre I culd jump ut f the way. ________________________.
1. As a result, we fell dwn and the gift bx drpped t the grund. (敘述)2. The by fell t the grund and I knelt dwn with my hand n my stmach, and the gift bx flew ut f my hands and hit against the street flr.
一、 創(chuàng)造畫面感,構(gòu)建一個(gè)微段落
Rule 1: 創(chuàng)造畫面感 Tip1: 分解動(dòng)作
---The by fell … ---I knelt … ---The gift bx ….
What happened then?
①Suddenly, a by ran arund … and crashed int me befre I … The by fell hard t the grund and I, crying “Ouch!”, knelt dwn with my hand n my stmach. The gift flew ut f my hands and, banged against the street flr. I culd even hear the glasses inside crack int pieces.
④She used t jke arund and laugh a lt. Nw she had a deep wrry line between her eyes and hardly ever smiled.
a deep wrry line between her eyes
具體的聲音和更多的動(dòng)作,突顯作者心情
When we gt t the apartment, we plpped (撲通 )dwn n chairs. ② The air frze, and the rm seemed darker than it was suppsed t be at dusk .
肖像描寫,突顯媽媽離婚后的變化之大
環(huán)境描寫,突顯我們絕望的心情
Tip2 :添加符合情境的細(xì)節(jié)描寫,主要是動(dòng)作,輔以肖像和神態(tài)、聲音、環(huán)境、對(duì)話、心理等描寫
我甚至可以聽到里面的玻璃杯
環(huán)境描寫:Everything in the rm lst its clr. Night was deep and there was nthing but dead silence.
embrace his sn
He dashed frward, knelt dwn and embraced his sn int his arms. “Dad!” His sn giggled.
Practice 1:
他們站在空曠路邊,仰望天空,感受著這份珍貴的平靜。
The sun was beginning t set, glittering red thrugh the cracks. Standing beside the empty rad, they lked up int the sky, feeling the precius peace.
ding,+ 謂語(yǔ)+ding
Practice 2:
Practice 3: 請(qǐng)把句子③補(bǔ)充完整
③“It isn’t fair! Why did that happen?” Aiden cried. His lwer lip trembled, ______________________________ ___________________________________________________
T describe depressin, we can talk abut ….--eyes, hands, shake his head, clench his fist, stamp his feet…
--Tears welled up in his eyes, and his fist clenched firmly. His hands shk up and dwn vigrusly.
with tears welling up in his eyes, his fist clenched firmly.
興奮:悲傷:憤怒:焦慮:
dance with jy; spring(sprang-sprung) up/rise frm ; jump t ne’s feet; ne's eyes were shining/sparkling like ...
具有畫面感的心理描寫:
grief came in waves; went like a bullet t ne’s heart; flat in an cean f sadness; tears streaming dwn ne’s cheeks
vice trembled with anger; erupt like a vlcan;burning eyes; slam the dr furiusly; shake ne’s fist at sb
ne’s heart in ne’s muth; ne's thrat was dry and face was burning up
As the bell rang, Aiden and I went ut f ur DIY classrm, heading t the stre where we had ur mther's gift picked . "That's perfect!" said I, hlding the gift, "Mm's gnna lve it, right?" "Abslutely!" Aiden said.
二、選取恰當(dāng)?shù)馁|(zhì)感詞匯——傳情達(dá)意
Replace the underlined wrds with better nes.
關(guān)注詞的質(zhì)感即準(zhǔn)確理解詞的含義,掌握近義詞的區(qū)別,理解詞的上下義關(guān)系等,從而選取最合適、最準(zhǔn)確的詞,從而達(dá)到細(xì)膩描寫的效果。
1. _________ t his stmach, Harry pushed the branch befre him and _________ tward me.2. She always?______behind when we walk anywhere.3. Hearing the news, She ____________________________ in excitement.4. “Help!” smene _______________ in the river.5. Harry_______ int my rm, ___________ an aplgy t me.
Practice: 在空格處填入恰當(dāng)?shù)膯卧~或短語(yǔ)表達(dá)相關(guān)情緒。
輕輕地走: creep (crept-crept); tipte ; slip爬著走: crawl; wriggle 趴在地上:flp; plp拖著步走:drag; shuffle 輕聲說(shuō): whisper; murmur大聲說(shuō): cry; shut; scream; yell
sprang up /jump t her feet
screamed/yelled
Para. 1: Suddenly, an idea was starting t frm in my head. _________________________________________________.Para. 2: The next mrning, Aiden and I, tired but excited, pulled Mm frm her bedrm int the kitchen. ________________________________________.
What was the idea?Hw did Aiden and I feel? What did Aiden and I d?
Plt the cntinuatin
Para 1:Suddenly,an idea was starting t frm in my head. “Why nt make a gift by hand?” I suggested in a hpeful vice. “A cake! Mm has bught sme flur t make a cake! ” Aiden ______________________________________________ ___________________(動(dòng)作和神態(tài)—興奮). At deep midnight when Mm was sund asleep, we _______________________________________________ _________________________(分解動(dòng)作—悄悄走到廚房). Aiden was busy adding the ingredients t the flur while I was keeping stirring them. __________________________________________________________________(環(huán)境—寂靜的夜晚)T ur satisfactin, after a lng time f waiting, with the cake taken ut f the ven, ________________________________________ ____________________(蛋糕香氣—喜悅).
sprang up frm his chair, his eyes sparkling
like shining stars
kitchen t make a cake
slipped ut f the bed and tipted int the
The whle huse was quiet except fr the slight sund made by us.
fragrance frm it
Practice---writing
Cmplete Paragraph1 accrding t the hints given as fllws.
the kitchen was flded with the sweet
參考詞匯:香氣 fragrance/ scent
Rule 1: 創(chuàng)造畫面感 Tip1: 分解動(dòng)作——多個(gè)人/物的動(dòng)作; 一個(gè)人/物的多個(gè)動(dòng)作;Tip2: 添加符合情境的細(xì)節(jié)描寫,主要是動(dòng)作,輔以肖像和神態(tài)、聲音、環(huán)境、對(duì)話、心理等描寫,構(gòu)建立體畫面。
讀后續(xù)寫中如何提升描寫技能?
Rule2:選取恰當(dāng)?shù)馁|(zhì)感詞匯----傳情達(dá)意
Paragraph 2: The next mrning, Aiden and I, tired but excited, pulled Mm frm her bedrm int the kitchen. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Finish Paragraph 2 after class. Apply what yu’ve learnt t yur writing and try t make it mre vivid and descriptive.
Para 1:Suddenly,an idea was starting t frm in my head. “Why nt make a gift by hand?” I suggested in a hpeful vice. “A cake! Mm has bught sme flur t make a cake! "Aiden sprang up frm his chair, his eyes sparkling excitedly. At deep midnight when Mm was sund asleep, we slipped ut f the bed and tipted int the kitchen. With all the ingredients needed prepared, we gt dwn t making a cake. The whle huse was quiet except fr the slight sund made by us. Aiden was busy adding the ingredients t the flur while I was keeping stirring them. T ur satisfactin, when the cake was taken ut f the ven, the kitchen was flded with the sweet fregrance frm it.
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