
目錄
TOC \ "1-3" \h \u \l "_Tc70957371" 讀后續(xù)寫速成 PAGEREF _Tc70957371 \h 1
\l "_Tc70957372" “波浪式”情節(jié)推進(jìn)法 PAGEREF _Tc70957372 \h 1
\l "_Tc70957373" 第一部分 方法介紹 PAGEREF _Tc70957373 \h 3
\l "_Tc70957374" 一、情節(jié)與主題 PAGEREF _Tc70957374 \h 3
\l "_Tc70957375" 二、提示與結(jié)構(gòu) PAGEREF _Tc70957375 \h 4
\l "_Tc70957376" 三、Para.1細(xì)節(jié) PAGEREF _Tc70957376 \h 4
\l "_Tc70957377" 四、Para.2細(xì)節(jié) PAGEREF _Tc70957377 \h 6
\l "_Tc70957378" 五、十個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞 PAGEREF _Tc70957378 \h 6
\l "_Tc70957379" 六、情節(jié)一覽表 PAGEREF _Tc70957379 \h 7
\l "_Tc70957380" 第二部分 情節(jié)推進(jìn)的2種語(yǔ)言模式 PAGEREF _Tc70957380 \h 8
\l "_Tc70957381" 第一種模式:解決問(wèn)題模式 PAGEREF _Tc70957381 \h 8
\l "_Tc70957382" 一、遇到問(wèn)題 PAGEREF _Tc70957382 \h 8
\l "_Tc70957383" 二、想到辦法 PAGEREF _Tc70957383 \h 9
\l "_Tc70957384" 三、實(shí)施過(guò)程 PAGEREF _Tc70957384 \h 9
\l "_Tc70957385" 四、結(jié)果如何 PAGEREF _Tc70957385 \h 9
\l "_Tc70957386" 五、抽象道理 PAGEREF _Tc70957386 \h 10
\l "_Tc70957387" 第二種模式:糾結(jié)型模式 PAGEREF _Tc70957387 \h 10
\l "_Tc70957388" 一、遇到問(wèn)題 PAGEREF _Tc70957388 \h 10
\l "_Tc70957389" 二、主人公思想斗爭(zhēng):正確觀點(diǎn)與錯(cuò)誤觀點(diǎn)的交鋒 PAGEREF _Tc70957389 \h 10
\l "_Tc70957390" 三、主人公思想斗爭(zhēng):正確觀點(diǎn)戰(zhàn)勝了錯(cuò)誤觀點(diǎn) PAGEREF _Tc70957390 \h 11
\l "_Tc70957391" 四、采取了正確的行動(dòng) PAGEREF _Tc70957391 \h 11
\l "_Tc70957392" 五、抽象道理 (同第一種模式) PAGEREF _Tc70957392 \h 11
\l "_Tc70957393" 第三部分 讀后續(xù)寫真題實(shí)戰(zhàn) PAGEREF _Tc70957393 \h 12
\l "_Tc70957394" 原題材料 PAGEREF _Tc70957394 \h 12
\l "_Tc70957395" 1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右; PAGEREF _Tc70957395 \h 13
\l "_Tc70957396" 2. 至少使用5個(gè)短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ); PAGEREF _Tc70957396 \h 13
\l "_Tc70957397" 3. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段,每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫好; PAGEREF _Tc70957397 \h 13
\l "_Tc70957398" 4. 續(xù)寫完成后,請(qǐng)用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。 PAGEREF _Tc70957398 \h 13
\l "_Tc70957399" 情節(jié)推進(jìn)思路一 PAGEREF _Tc70957399 \h 13
\l "_Tc70957400" 最后,結(jié)尾部分需要迅速收束,并說(shuō)明成功逃脫的結(jié)局。 PAGEREF _Tc70957400 \h 14
\l "_Tc70957401" 情節(jié)推進(jìn)思路二 PAGEREF _Tc70957401 \h 14
\l "_Tc70957402" 情節(jié)推進(jìn)思路三 PAGEREF _Tc70957402 \h 16
提高讀后續(xù)寫的兩個(gè)基本思路分為語(yǔ)言模仿與內(nèi)容創(chuàng)造。語(yǔ)言要模仿,說(shuō)的是語(yǔ)言方面的問(wèn)題。我們可以通過(guò)閱讀,有目的、有針對(duì)性地積累常用的佳句,最好以句子為單位進(jìn)行積累,因?yàn)橐粋€(gè)句子就是一個(gè)小情景,小畫面。一個(gè)段落無(wú)非是幾個(gè)小情景的組合。續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)要求在150左右,無(wú)非就是十二、三句話的事。今天不討論語(yǔ)言積累的問(wèn)題。
內(nèi)容要?jiǎng)?chuàng)造,可以理解為情節(jié)的擴(kuò)展與安排方面的問(wèn)題。續(xù)寫的評(píng)分要求是:與所給短文融洽度高,與段落開(kāi)頭銜接合理,內(nèi)容豐富,應(yīng)用了5個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ),有效地使用了語(yǔ)句間連接成分,使所續(xù)寫短文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。根據(jù)評(píng)分要求不難看出讀后續(xù)寫重視考查情節(jié)的安排是否有效,是否合理。在這一環(huán)節(jié)中,常見(jiàn)的問(wèn)題有:要么無(wú)話可說(shuō),要么是寫了不少,但文不對(duì)題。
為直觀便于理解,本文以圖解的形式來(lái)說(shuō)明如何合理安排續(xù)寫情節(jié),寫出內(nèi)容豐富的150字。當(dāng)然,也可以按圖解的步驟啟發(fā)學(xué)生的思維,訓(xùn)練學(xué)生寫出緊扣原文,情節(jié)合理的續(xù)寫內(nèi)容。
第一部分 方法介紹
一、情節(jié)與主題
從圖中可以看出,記敘文情節(jié)的發(fā)展總是一波三折,這可以借鑒語(yǔ)文作文教學(xué)中常常提到的:文似看山不喜平。意思是寫文章好比觀賞山峰那樣,喜歡奇勢(shì)迭出,最忌平坦。英文寫作亦是如此,但不管情節(jié)如何一波三折,從開(kāi)頭到結(jié)尾,情節(jié)的發(fā)展總是緊緊圍繞一個(gè)主題(或中心)在進(jìn)行的。情節(jié)必須為主題服務(wù),與主題無(wú)關(guān)的情節(jié)就是多余的內(nèi)容。所以,首先要解決讀的問(wèn)題。通讀原文,把握原文的主題是續(xù)后的第一步,情節(jié)的發(fā)展不能擺脫貫穿始終的主題。關(guān)于主題理解,你可以提出以下一些問(wèn)題:
What des the authr want t tell us?
What's the main idea f the passage?
What is the stry abut?
What is the theme revealed t yu in the stry?
What lessn can yu learn frm the stry?
Can yu predict hw the stry ends after reading it?
二、提示與結(jié)構(gòu)
從圖中可見(jiàn),續(xù)寫在行文的銜接上分續(xù)寫原文、Para.1與Para.2三個(gè)部分。在閱讀原文,把握主題以后,接下來(lái)要根據(jù)Para.1與Para.2開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)的提示內(nèi)容以及原文最后一段的情節(jié),確定Para.1開(kāi)頭與結(jié)束可能出現(xiàn)的情節(jié)。因?yàn)闊o(wú)論情節(jié)如何起伏,思維如何開(kāi)放,第一段的情節(jié)發(fā)展必須推向所要求出現(xiàn)的結(jié)尾部分內(nèi)容。你可以這樣問(wèn):
Accrding t the given sentence f Para.2, what shuld be mentined at the end f Para.1?
What is likely t happen accrding t the last paragraph f the text and the the given sentence f Para.1?
同樣,接下來(lái)要做的是根據(jù)Para.2開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)的提示內(nèi)容以及文章的主題,確定第二段開(kāi)頭可能出現(xiàn)的情節(jié)以及結(jié)尾部分內(nèi)容。做好這一步驟的好處是搭建文章結(jié)構(gòu),緊扣文章主題,不至于寫到那時(shí)算那里。可以引導(dǎo)學(xué)生思考以下問(wèn)題:
Accrding t the given sentence f Para.2, what will happen next?
What shuld be mentined at the end f the stry?
What might be the ending f the stry?
D yu think ending the stry in this way satisfies readers?
三、Para.1細(xì)節(jié)
從圖中可見(jiàn),在確定Para.1開(kāi)頭與結(jié)束可能出現(xiàn)的情節(jié)以后,接下來(lái)要做的是確定組成情節(jié)發(fā)展的細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容(details)。根據(jù)記敘文的特點(diǎn),可以通過(guò)提問(wèn)5W1H(wh; what; when; where; which; hw)6個(gè)方面的問(wèn)題,身臨其境,挑選緊扣文章主題并推動(dòng)故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容,力求具體,不寬泛。前因推后果,前一句推動(dòng)下一句?;\統(tǒng)地說(shuō),可以用以下問(wèn)題打開(kāi)思維,某人何時(shí)何地做了何事;怎樣做;為什么這樣做;出現(xiàn)了什么問(wèn)題;看到了什么;聽(tīng)到了什么;說(shuō)了什么;有什么感受;如何解決這一問(wèn)題等等。當(dāng)然,情節(jié)安排上要設(shè)立對(duì)立面,或者是沖突(cnflict),要有波折。但Para.1的情節(jié)發(fā)展最終要圍繞主題指向第一段的結(jié)尾部分內(nèi)容。所以,可以提出以下問(wèn)題選擇主要細(xì)節(jié)為我所用:
What did he/she d?
Why did he/she
Hw did he/she
What did he/she say abut?
Hw did he/she
四、Para.2細(xì)節(jié)
Para.2可以用Para.1一樣的方法選擇主要細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容,這里不再表述。不同之處是情節(jié)發(fā)展到Para.2時(shí),故事一般已進(jìn)入高潮階段,最后是問(wèn)題得到解決,或者是表明一種看法或者是揭示一個(gè)主題。大體上會(huì)出現(xiàn)這樣的模式:出現(xiàn)問(wèn)題--解決問(wèn)題--再次出現(xiàn)問(wèn)題--終于解決問(wèn)題--然后深有體會(huì)與感悟。如有可能,在結(jié)尾部分最好有與原文第一段的主題句相呼應(yīng)的內(nèi)容,起到點(diǎn)題的作用。
五、十個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞
上面的心形代表的是續(xù)寫原文所提供的10個(gè)劃線關(guān)鍵詞,10個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞在一定程度上確定了情節(jié)發(fā)展的一些主要因素,包括了主要人物(main character)、主要地點(diǎn)(place)、主要事件(event)以及主要場(chǎng)景(sence)等。所以,我們可以通過(guò)分析10個(gè)劃線關(guān)鍵詞預(yù)測(cè)續(xù)寫部分可能出現(xiàn)的情節(jié),根據(jù)需要選擇關(guān)鍵詞。這一環(huán)節(jié)可以與前一步驟結(jié)合在一起,根據(jù)需要選擇重要細(xì)節(jié)。以2016年10月浙江卷讀后續(xù)寫其中一個(gè)劃線關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)t her great jy為例,可以這樣拓展學(xué)生的思維。
What made Jane feel s jyful?
In which paragraph will yu use this phrase?
What did she d then in the situatin like this?
將劃線關(guān)鍵詞放在最后考慮,目的是遵從“先整體,后細(xì)節(jié);先宏觀,后微觀”的原則。這樣做能確?!凹?xì)節(jié)為主題服務(wù)”的思想,能最大限度的避免文不對(duì)題且言之無(wú)物的問(wèn)題。
六、情節(jié)一覽表
一覽表可以用課件的形式按步驟顯現(xiàn),下次如果你要對(duì)讀后續(xù)寫進(jìn)行專題指導(dǎo),可以根據(jù)該表幫助學(xué)生拓展思維,有效合理地?cái)U(kuò)展故事情節(jié)。
第二部分 情節(jié)推進(jìn)的2種語(yǔ)言模式
讀后續(xù)寫行為推進(jìn)的2種模式。那么,對(duì)于這2類文體,有無(wú)對(duì)應(yīng)的語(yǔ)言,答案是有的。經(jīng)過(guò)長(zhǎng)期的積累??偨Y(jié)出如下71種表達(dá),希望大家好好琢磨哦。
第一種模式:解決問(wèn)題模式
一、遇到問(wèn)題
Sb is cnfrnted with a tugh issue. 某人面臨一個(gè)棘手的問(wèn)題。
Sth is a tugh nut t crack 某物是個(gè)需要解決的難題。
Sb scratches his/her head.
Hw… is beynd sb.
Sb is n pins and needles
Sb has ants n the pants
Stunned,sb is at a lss fr wrds
Cnfrnted with the tugh nuts, the three friends were lst /sunk in thught.
Pndering ver the matter, the three friends were lst /sunk in thught.
Cupping their faces in hand, the three friends sank int deep thught.
Jaw resting n his / her hand, sb sank int deep thught.
Walking/Shuttling/Wandering/Pacing back and frth, he was debating what t d next.
二、想到辦法
Suddenly,an idea flashed acrss /ppped int sb’s mind that
It suddenly ccurred t /dawned n / hit / struck sb that
An idea ccurred t / dawned n / hit/ struck sb that
三、實(shí)施過(guò)程
With everything in place, the three friends …
With all the preparatin wrk under way, the three friends …
With XXX ready and XX in hand, the three friends …
With XXX in ne hand and XX in the ther, the three friends …
四、結(jié)果如何
As it turned ut/came ut,
It turned ut that …
Thankfully/Luckily/Frtunately,
Unfrtunately/Unluckily,
Sth ended up …
Sth wund up …
Finally/Eventually /Ultimately, …
Sb heaved /let ut a sigh f relief
What a relief !
What a narrw escape
五、抽象道理
It is at this mment that sb realized …正是在這個(gè)時(shí)刻,某人意識(shí)到
It is nt until … that sb …. 直到...那個(gè)人
Sth impresses n sb that … 這讓某人印象深刻
It’s a life lessn inscribed in sb’s mind that … 這是一個(gè)生活課銘刻在某人的腦海中
It’s an invaluable lessn I kept till this day that … 這是我一直堅(jiān)持到今天
第二種模式:糾結(jié)型模式
一、遇到問(wèn)題
Sb is cnfrnted with a tugh issue
Sth is a tugh nut t crack
Sb scratches his/her head.
Hw… is beynd sb.
Sb is n pins and needles
Sb has ants n the pants
Stunned,sb is at a lss fr wrds
Cnfrnted with the tugh nuts, the three friends were lst /sunk in thught.
Pndering ver the matter, the three friends were lst /sunk in thught.
Cupping their faces in hand, the three friends sank int deep thught.
Jaw resting n his / her hand, sb sank int deep thught.
Walking/Shuttling/Wandering/Pacing back and frth, he was debating what t d next.
二、主人公思想斗爭(zhēng):正確觀點(diǎn)與錯(cuò)誤觀點(diǎn)的交鋒
1. Caught in a dilemma, sb was at a lss what t d. 陷入困境,某人不知所措。
2. Sb is trapped/caught between A and B
3. Sb is standing at a crssrads as t … 某人正站在十字路口
4. It seems tw little men were fighting in his head. One was … The ther was …
5. It seems tw thughts were having a tug f war. One was… The ther was …
三、主人公思想斗爭(zhēng):正確觀點(diǎn)戰(zhàn)勝了錯(cuò)誤觀點(diǎn)
1.Finally, sb’s cnscience triumphed ver his/her evil thught 最后,某人的良心戰(zhàn)勝了他/她的邪惡思想
2.Finally, gd triumphed ver evil. 最后,善良戰(zhàn)勝了邪惡。
3.Finally, a clear cnscience triumph ver a guilty ne. 最后,一個(gè)問(wèn)心無(wú)愧的人戰(zhàn)勝了一個(gè)有罪的人。
4.Finally, justice wn ver. 最后,正義獲勝了。
5.Finally, hnesty / integrity / fairness wn ver. 最后,誠(chéng)信/誠(chéng)信/公平勝出。
四、采取了正確的行動(dòng)
1.sb decided t give sth back 某人決定把某物還回去
2.sb decided t d the right thing. 某人決定做正確的事。
3.Sb chse hnesty ver persnal gain. 某人選擇誠(chéng)實(shí)而不是個(gè)人利益。
4.Sb chse integrity ver persnal interest. 某人選擇誠(chéng)信而不是個(gè)人利益。
5.sb finally std n the side f integrity /hnesty /fairness /justice. 某人終于站在正直/誠(chéng)實(shí)/公平/正義的一邊。
五、抽象道理 (同第一種模式)
It is at this mment that sb realized …正是在這個(gè)時(shí)刻,某人意識(shí)到
It is nt until … that sb …. 直到...那個(gè)人
Sth impresses n sb that … 這讓某人印象深刻
It’s a life lessn inscribed in sb’s mind that … 這是一個(gè)生活課銘刻在某人的腦海中
It’s an invaluable lessn I kept till this day that … 這是我一直堅(jiān)持到今天
讀后續(xù)寫真題實(shí)戰(zhàn)
讀后續(xù)寫是新高考模式的一個(gè)重要的改革,這個(gè)題型對(duì)學(xué)生的讀和寫提出了更高的能力要求,學(xué)生要能夠基于文章的理解用自己的語(yǔ)言對(duì)原文進(jìn)行續(xù)寫,想要寫出一個(gè)情節(jié)邏輯合理,對(duì)老師和學(xué)生來(lái)說(shuō)無(wú)疑是一個(gè)巨大的挑戰(zhàn)。2020年真題為例,一步一步講解分析。
原題材料
閱讀下面短文,根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫,使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。
One fall, my wife Elli and I had a single gal: t phtgraph plar bears. We were staying at a research camp utside “the plar bear capital f the wrld” — the twn f Churchill in Manitba, Canada.
Taking pictures f plar bears is amazing but als dangerus. Plar bears — like all wild animals — shuld be phtgraphed frm a safe distance. When I’m face t face with a plar bear, I like it t be thrugh a camera with a telepht lens. But smetimes, that is easier said than dne. This was ne f thse times.
As Elli and I cked dinner, a yung male plar bear wh was playing in a nearby lake sniffed, and smelled ur garlic bread.
The hungry bear fllwed his nse t ur camp, which was surrunded by a high wire fence. He pulled and bit the wire. He std n his back legs and pushed at the wden fence psts.
Terrified, Elli and I tried all the bear defense actins we knew. We yelled at the bear, hit pts hard, and fired blank shtgun shells int the air. Smetimes lud nises like these will scare bears ff. Nt this plar bear thugh — he just kept trying t tear dwn the fence with his massive paws(爪子).
I radied the camp manager fr help. He tld me a helicpter was n its way, but it wuld be 30 minutes befre it arrived. Making the best f this clse encunter(相遇), I tk sme pictures f the bear.
Elli and I feared the fence wuldn’t last thrugh 30 mre minutes f the bear’s punishment. The camp manager suggested I use pepper spray. The spray burns the bears’ eyes, but desn’t hurt them. S I apprached ur uninvited guest slwly and, thrugh the fence, sprayed him in the face. With an angry rar(吼叫), the bear ran t the lake t wash his eyes.
注意:
1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;
2. 至少使用5個(gè)短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ);
3. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段,每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫好;
4. 續(xù)寫完成后,請(qǐng)用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。
A few minutes later, the bear headed back t ur camp.
At that very mment, the helicpter arrived.
情節(jié)推進(jìn)思路一
本文主要講述了人與熊對(duì)抗,之后成功脫險(xiǎn)的故事。主人公的感情線變化為:興奮渴望→驚恐→放松。劇情線以主人公如何與北極熊周旋并成功擺脫它展開(kāi)。
由第一段的段首提示句可知:幾分鐘后,熊又回到營(yíng)地。接下來(lái)可通過(guò)場(chǎng)景渲染,描寫當(dāng)時(shí)令人顫栗驚恐的畫面,例如“Rars and screams pierced the silence with needle-like shrillness.”這不僅合理地描寫了熊的反應(yīng),也描繪出讓人戰(zhàn)栗的場(chǎng)景。
由第二段的段首提示句可知:此時(shí),直升機(jī)到了。如果想要進(jìn)行續(xù)寫兩段的合理銜接,第一段的結(jié)尾可描寫成“After thrughly scrutinizing the area, the bear trtted frward a few steps.”這樣可以營(yíng)造出危急的場(chǎng)景?!拔覀儭笨吹街鄙龣C(jī)的到來(lái),感到絕處逢生的喜悅,可以以人物心理描寫作為第二段的開(kāi)頭,重點(diǎn)描寫喜極而泣的狀態(tài),例如“My heart leaped with jy as I knew we were likely t be saved.”
最后,結(jié)尾部分需要迅速收束,并說(shuō)明成功逃脫的結(jié)局。
關(guān)于畫線詞:Elli作為女主人公,是續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)的畫線詞,nises, pictures, fence, spray與熊有關(guān),也在兩段續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中出現(xiàn)。最終,兩人回歸安全狀態(tài),因此畫線詞safe也可自然而然地出現(xiàn)在續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中。由此劃分畫線詞,可迅速鎖定需使用的畫線詞范圍,輔助構(gòu)思。
A few minutes later, the bear headed back t ur camp. Rars and screams pierced the silence with needle-like shrillness. The nises turned Elli and I pale with hrrr. I feared that the giant wuld destry ur whle fence. He rared repeatedly, shattering what was left f the silence. Elli seized this pprtunity t take sme pictures f the bear. The animal’s nises eched all arund us. We betrayed ur feelings by huddling tgether, shivering with fear. After thrughly scrutinizing the area, he trtted frward a few steps.
At that very mment, the helicpter arrived. My heart leaped with jy as I knew we were likely t be saved. Elli used pepper spray again t buy us enugh time. But this time the bear became mre alert. He regarded us with the merciless necessity f hunger, s we thrw all the fd we have. He then turned away and started devuring. As we were climbing the rpe ladder, Elli prayed like a thusand times t shw thankfulness f being safe and sund. (154詞,21分)
情節(jié)推進(jìn)思路二
由第一段的段首句可知,熱愛(ài)攝影的“我”和妻子Elli處于危險(xiǎn)之中——北極熊再次向他們靠近了,表明情況不容樂(lè)觀。而第二段的首句明確了救援的直升機(jī)終于趕來(lái),一切就此出現(xiàn)了轉(zhuǎn)機(jī)。所以在構(gòu)思時(shí),越是將第一段寫得危急,就越能與后面的轉(zhuǎn)折形成鮮明對(duì)比,增加故事性。
因此,聯(lián)系前文背景,續(xù)寫第一段可以先描寫熊的動(dòng)向和作者的心理,之后描寫作者的應(yīng)對(duì)舉措。由前文和段首句分析可知,胡椒噴霧并未阻擋熊繼續(xù)靠近,反而激怒了它。而“我”作為攝影師,看到拍攝對(duì)象不斷進(jìn)入自己的取景范圍不禁想要立刻實(shí)現(xiàn)夢(mèng)想去拍攝,然而求生的本能讓“我”無(wú)暇他顧。后面采取的措施可以是作者急中生智,決定和妻子把面包給熊來(lái)拖延時(shí)間等待救援。而眼看著可怕的熊在不斷靠近,面包也即將耗盡。至此,作者夫婦二人幾乎陷入絕境。這一部分可以進(jìn)行生動(dòng)的描寫讓作者的心理刻畫更為生動(dòng),例如“While it was lming like a dark clud...”。
第二段首,直升飛機(jī)抵達(dá),至此,可以進(jìn)一步渲染危急的場(chǎng)景,繼續(xù)描寫熊的動(dòng)作,例如猛擊柵欄。在描寫完二人獲救后,結(jié)尾呼應(yīng)前文,作者一路有驚無(wú)險(xiǎn),成功用相機(jī)拍到夢(mèng)寐以求的照片,不虛此行。
關(guān)于畫線詞:Elli作為女主人公,是續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)的畫線詞,除此以外,spray的提及可呼應(yīng)前文,交代故事發(fā)展,phtgraph, camera可以直接呼應(yīng)“我”采取的一些行動(dòng),bread是我們想到的解決方案,fence與熊相關(guān)。由此展開(kāi)畫線詞,保證了故事的合理性。
A few minutes later, the bear headed back t ur camp. He culd nt resist the temptatin f the bread. The pepper spray had slwed the bear but wasn’t enugh t stp the beast. On the cntrary, it prvked the bear and made him even mre furius. Much as I wanted t phtgraph the appraching bear, my survival instinct vertk my desire t capture the perfect pht. In a mment f panic, Elli and I decided t give him what he wanted — the garlic bread. While it was lming like a dark clud, we threw the bread at the bear a little bit at a time until it had run ut.
At that very mment, the helicpter arrived. But the irritated bear has already started t whack the fence. I feared that the bear wuld tear dwn the fence at any minute. Luckily, the rangers came t ur rescue. They managed t calm the bear dwn and distract him with sme srt f acustics. Even thugh my heart was still thumping wildly inside my chest, I snatched my camera and snapped ne last sht f the bear, a pht that I had always lnged t capture. Thugh risking my life, I’ve gt the best picture ever and it’s all wrth it. (200詞,22分)
情節(jié)推進(jìn)思路三
續(xù)寫兩段中,故事的劇情在第一段結(jié)尾達(dá)到高潮,之后開(kāi)始回落;可以推測(cè)主人公的情緒呈現(xiàn)出緊張→驚恐→松一口氣→徹底放松的變化。
第一段北極熊返回后,可以通過(guò)熊的新一輪進(jìn)攻引出劇情,隨著熊的攻擊愈發(fā)猛烈,主人公需要采取新方法避險(xiǎn)。例如,可以描寫熊再次攻擊柵欄,“我”如何使用隨身物品應(yīng)對(duì)進(jìn)攻,保護(hù)自己和妻子的安全。同時(shí)也可以描寫妻子的動(dòng)作和情緒,烘托場(chǎng)面的危急。通過(guò)“我”與熊的動(dòng)作交替,在第一段最后一句將人與熊的矛盾推至最大。
第二段直升機(jī)到來(lái)后,可以描寫“我”避險(xiǎn)的動(dòng)作,例如立刻調(diào)轉(zhuǎn)方向跑回營(yíng)地。之后利用直升機(jī)的優(yōu)勢(shì)解決問(wèn)題,如利用螺旋槳發(fā)出的巨大聲響嚇退經(jīng)驗(yàn)不足的北極熊。結(jié)尾處呼應(yīng)開(kāi)頭,總結(jié)作者此行的目的是否達(dá)成。
關(guān)于畫線詞:Elli作為女主人公,是續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)的畫線詞,除此以外,fence的描寫與熊相關(guān),“我”用camera進(jìn)行攻擊防身,以達(dá)到safe的目的,動(dòng)作描寫包含run,危機(jī)時(shí)刻直升飛機(jī)的nises保證了可以擊退熊,最終提及pictures呼應(yīng)此行目的。由此展開(kāi)畫線詞,布局合理自然,符合故事邏輯。
A few minutes later, the bear headed back t ur camp. The furry giant must have gathered his wits, fr he suddenly reared up and attacked the fence with fercius strength, leaving a narrw pening n it. Behind me, Elli muffled a cry f terrr. My eyes were fixed n the intruder. My mind raced like flash as my hands grped fr anything that might keep us safe frm the bear’s rampage. That’s when I felt the camera. With little hesitatin, I shved the equipment thrugh the pening as the plar bear clsed his jaws n the lens and then pulled my whle camera ut and smashed it.
At that very mment, the helicpter arrived. I ran back t the camp, stumbling a hundred times in my haste. Elli cntacted the pilt ver the radi. Hearing that we had nt suffered any physical injury, the pilt tld us t stay put and cver ur ears. The harsh whshing nise f the appraching helicpter spked the yung bear. The animal tk a few hesitant steps back and eventually disappeared back twards the lake. Althugh my camera has met its glrius end, and thugh all ur pictures were lst, ur memry f this unexpected encunter remains fresh till this day. (187詞,23分)
02出彩表達(dá)積累
單詞
sniff v. 嗅;聞 massive adj. 巨大的
encunter n. 遭遇;邂逅 rar v. 吼叫,咆哮
shatter v. (使)破碎,破裂 huddle v. 擠在一起,縮成一團(tuán)
scrutinize v. 仔細(xì)查看 trt v. 碎步急行
regard v. 注意,關(guān)注 devur v. (尤指因饑餓而)狼吞虎咽地吃光
prvke v. 激怒 furius adj. 狂怒的
instinct n. 本能,直覺(jué) irritate v. 使煩惱(尤指不斷重復(fù)的事情)
ranger n. 護(hù)林員 distract v. 轉(zhuǎn)移(注意力)
thump v. 怦怦地跳 snap v. 拍照
furry adj. 覆蓋著毛皮的 wits n. 機(jī)智,智慧
fercius adj. 兇猛的 muffle v. 壓抑(聲音)
intruder n. 侵入者 grpe v. 摸索
rampage n. 暴跳如雷 shve v. 猛推
jaw n. 頜骨 stumble v. 跌跌撞撞地走
haste n. 急忙,倉(cāng)促 harsh adj. 刺耳的
whsh v. 發(fā)出嘶嘶聲 spk v. 驚嚇
smash v. 打碎
短語(yǔ)
face t face 面對(duì)面 嚇跑
tear dwn 拆毀 pull ut 拔出
rear up 用后腿站立
句子It is easier said than dne. 說(shuō)起來(lái)容易,做起來(lái)難。(諺語(yǔ)表達(dá))
Terrified, Elli and I tried all the bear defense actins we knew. 在驚恐萬(wàn)分的情況下,埃利和我嘗試了我們所知道的所有應(yīng)對(duì)熊的防衛(wèi)措施。(過(guò)去分詞做狀語(yǔ))
He std n his back legs and pushed at the wden fence psts. 他用后腿站立,推著木柵欄的柱子。(動(dòng)作的生動(dòng)描寫)
Rars and screams pierced the silence with needle-like shrillness. 吼叫聲和尖叫聲打破寂靜,尖銳刺耳,久久未消。(環(huán)境的生動(dòng)描寫)
We betrayed ur feelings by huddling tgether, shivering with fear. 我們緊緊地抱在一起,害怕地直打哆嗦。(動(dòng)作的生動(dòng)描寫)
After thrughly scrutinizing the area, the bear trtted frward a few steps. 在仔細(xì)地觀察了這片區(qū)域之后,熊向前小跑了幾步。(動(dòng)作的生動(dòng)描寫)
While it was lming like a dark clud, we threw the bread at the bear a little bit at a time until it had run ut. 熊像噩夢(mèng)般一直縈繞著我們,我們一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)地向它投著面包,直到面包也沒(méi)有了。(比喻的生動(dòng)描寫)
I snatched my camera and snapped ne last sht f the bear. 我抓起相機(jī),拍下了最后一張熊的照片。(動(dòng)作的生動(dòng)描寫)
My mind raced like flash as my hands grped fr anything that might keep us safe frm the bear’s rampage. 我的頭腦像閃電一樣飛速運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)著,我的雙手摸索著尋找能讓我們自保的東西,免遭毒手于熊的暴怒之下。(比喻的生動(dòng)描寫)
I ran back t the camp, stumbling a hundred times in my haste. 我跑回了營(yíng)地,匆匆忙忙,期間跌倒了無(wú)數(shù)次。(夸張的生動(dòng)描寫)
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